I choose not to wear my heart on my sleeve, however I know I can’t open my heart without a care. There was no high expectations as I think I have set my standards lower than someone who truly deserves to be in my life.

I can’t set my hopes too high as it can seem that every hello ends with a goodbye. But why I am more confused is that the recent ‘one’ who had the ability to hypotize me; had me laughing in the day and smiling in my sleep. . . I still questioned it’s depth. I didn’t run far away, I didn’t question how badly this would hurt it if were all to end, I did however know this was not going to last.
I allowed myself to settle by saying ‘let’s see where it goes. . . ‘ which is an immediate red flag. The person who will be by my side will not question whether or not he wants to, he will not make me feel priviledged to ‘date’ him and will certinly not feel like he needs to show off his ‘ego’.

Reality check men: women that are smart and mature, don’t actually appreciate Ego’s.
I do question if all men just want their cake and eat it too whether or not I should open a cake bakery. . . . .

After this, I don’t want anyone to ‘catch me’ right now. I do believe that broken hearts heal and that life moves forward and that little blimps like this situation help create a clearer picture of what it is that I want. I am not a religious person, however perhaps meeting people like this and having it end so early is God’s way of smiling and saying move right along. . . .

Perhaps I am also exhausted of having situations go the way the man wants it to go.  Whether they are afraid of commitment, wanting to make other things a priority, not wanting to settle. . . .whatever it is, I decided ‘Don’t catch me’. . . . let me be.

Now its time for me to just have fun, work on me and nothing less. . . other than to be happy!

There are the occasional men who simply fear the idea of being responsible for another person, however I don’t believe that these men are fully mature or ready for a ‘real relationship’.  To give yourself to someone else and know that you trust them is worth the risks.  Perhaps I knew the fear behind the man I was in love with and perhaps there was a part of me that wanted to win -a type of defeat.  However, take off the blinders and realize that the foundation of a relationship needs to be so much stronger. 

I look forward to reading the new book written by J.M Kearns, Better Love Next Time.  It is not just about finding ‘The One’, it is about finding ‘Another One’ after ‘The One’ you thought was ‘The One’ turned out not to be.  Confusing yes, but also intriguing.

Oddly enough I knew something was going to burst.  My ex was not happy about a few things in his life. I continuosly tried to help, he considered me his ‘rock’ and I supported him in everyway possible.  I was blind sighted when he said he needed to leave me as he felt anxiety and pressure and that he was ‘failing’ me. 

When I am not clear on things I become best friends with books.  I have a huge thirst for knowledge to understand, provide me with some direction and maybe even answers.

In the past when I needed to understand how I was going to manage my finances. Graduating with a student loan was scary, however I took control to learn how to manage my finances as best as possible.  5 years post grad school I purchased my first condo! Thank-you David Bach.

Resources are able to provide me with tips, tools and strategies on how to understand different dynamics, whether that be working in a corporation, learning about finances or understanding relationships. 

The book ‘When your Relationship Ends’ by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti was a gold mine.  It literally broke down all the stages that I felt including the denial, the fear, the loneliness, the rejection, anger, letting go and finally self worth.   With my situation I was simply wearing my heart on my sleeve and believed that there was still hope for us.  That hope will see us through as we had spent 5 years growing together, how does it all end so quickly? I believed we had such a beautiful love story that this cannot possibly be the end. . .

Then you learn that hope will not manifest itself.  That your injured ego will learn to heal over time and that learning to be by yourself and happy with who you are is healthy.  To hear from a counsellor “You must look after you right now, because it is the one person who will never leave you” was devastating. . . but profound.   

I tried to ‘fix’ my ex, make him happy, show him the great life we could have together.  I read more on depression and anxiety as there were too many warning signs about his inadequencies, guilt, despair, self-hatred and constantly telling me that he ‘failed’.   The book ‘I Dont’ Want to Talk About It’ shared some great insights to understand how serious the illness of depression can affect men.  But what was more profound was the way that some men realize they need help.  To support someone who wants to ‘blame’ everything else for their problems is not a solution.  

Finally, 4 months later a great friend said-let’s stop thinking about him and what went wrong.  Let’s stop reading about depression and anxiety, or what you could’ve done to make him realize I was something special.

It is what it is. . . .let’s start working on you.  Let’s work on How to be Single!

Sure enough I have bought the book ‘How to be Single’.  .  .  . 

Let the fun times begin!

Forever A.

The other day in Chapter’s I came across the book titled ‘Why he hasn’t proposed?’ by Matt Titus.  I sat down with this novel for a couple of minutes not only because of the title but also becuase as of recent, I’ve questions this myself. 

The book touched on how 49% of couples who are living as common-law for more than 5 years don’t get married.  The other comment was how dangerous it is to live as common-law and to not actually speak about the future you both desire.  Too many times women think that once they are living together it is a sign that they are eventually going to get married.  In mens perspective, it is a convenience issue. Maybe some think the relationship could go to the next level but majority don’t associate living together equals marriage. 

Why do women have such fear when it comes to this issue?  When you are sitting next to the person you believe you could spend the rest of your life with,  we fear the most honest question and are only hurting ourselves. 

What if the person you fell in love with told you that the relationship you share is so special: communication is present, intimacy levels are high, the two of you support each others dreams and of course the sex life is steamy. . . . . .

But. . . . .he then says:  I can’t make a life long decision in regards to marriage at this age.  

You can’t help but look inward to question the what if’s.  What if I was not the girlfriend who took cooking classes to be more desireable in the kitchen.  What if I didn’t go out of my way with lingerie for sexy santa outfits, Valentine’s black lace lingerie and other morning magic surprises? What if more men desired me he would feel threatened and would fell the need to hold on.  .  .  What if I was not so god damn giving and took back the idea of being such a ‘good’ girlfriend?  Hey, one of New York’s best sellers is abook called ‘Why Men Marry Bitches’.  Hmmm. . .  now I wish I was a bitch!  

Perhaps it will be my second trip to Chapter’s this week. . .  .. I think I deserve to read the book. Maybe my head will clear and get a better idea of what I need to do for myself. 

In all honesty, I think the real issue boils down to the couple sharing the same values. 

In a materialistic world, I hope people can remember to value ‘Life over Success’ as sometimes lives are taken away from us too quickly.  

I wish more people could value ‘Love over Money’. 

To be right in this situation myself, I am dazed  and heartbroken.  How could this happen?  How could I find myself here.  How come I can’t shake the guy I fell for and say ‘you are making a huge mistake’. 

Guess we’ll have to wait and see . . . . . . looks like I have some reading to do. 

“Flames to dust. . . . .Lovers to Friends. . . .Why do all good things come to an end?” . . .  radio tune as I type this message. . . . 

Forever,
A.

  i∙ki∙gai [eye-KEY-guy]: that which makes life worth living

Daily newspapers are printing the unemployment rates as it continues to increase.  The job loss, declining markets, bleak job security is all leaving so many with fear and uncertainty for our future. 

Relationships are feeling the pressures and stressors more than ever before. Partially due to the North American society breathing the ‘consumer driven’ market where living lavishly with more assets the happier you are.   Wealth is a sign of prestige. Wise investments resulted in luxury cars, multiple homes and vacation properties and a lifestyle many dream of. 

Now with the downward economy spiral, we are faced with a major problem: living within our means and living with a purpose. 

Oprah Winfrey acknowledged a man who  on her show expressing sincere fear by repeating ‘I am scared’.  What Oprah wanted to commend him for is that we have a right to be scared but so few of us are willing to be true to ourselves. 

Many define their own worth by their financial success.  Many marriages are failing because the other is no longer able to provide, and to some, not providing simply means a failed relationship. 

The word Ikigai is Japanese.  Ikigai means “that which makes one’s life worth living.” Moai means that one has a social support network. “Having lifelong friends is key to shedding stress,” Dr. Oz says.

Perhaps we need to re-evaluate ourselves of who we respect and how they got our respect in the first place.  Many wall-streeters have walked away as little bandits, however plenty still live a status filled life with the Mercedes and penthouses many aspire for. 

Perhaps we need an Ikigai, a goal or purpose of why we are here.  For us to look a little deeper in ourselves and see what it is that makes us most satisfied.   Some turn to religion in times of deep crisis, and maybe a spiritual awareness of how we can live our best life is something we shouldn’t take so lightly.  Forget giving away certain luxuries that we know we can’t live without.  But think of how we can redefine personal success, marital success and what truly makes someone an admiral individual. 

I believe more relationships would stand their ground for love and connection.  I believe people would be less selfish and look at ways to give back to the community and to others.  I also believe that people would be happier with themselves if they had a purpose. 

Let’s all look for a new Ikigai and hopefully others will catch on.  

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.”  Quote by Wayne W. Dyer. 

After leaving my family on one side of the country to attend post graduate studies I now live more than 3000 miles away.  I have grown  to know and value how important it is to have true friends.  Friends who are there through thick and thin.  Friends who don’t judge. Friends who inspire you to be exactly who you are and help you be the best you can be. 

With close friends comes difficult conversations including those in a toxic relationship seeking advice.  With a desire to support and reach out to others, at the prime age of 13 I became my neighbors ’Ask A’ for boyfriend advice.  Sure,  she was the beautiful, busty blonde that had a lot of teenage hormones racing to see her topless and I offered her ’free’ advice on how she should manage. . . . when in reality I wish I was in that high demand and not providing relationship advice!

Skip forward a decade and a half and we are caught with women in their twenties who are living with their boyfriends and seeking out if this is the ‘one’ for them.  The one that they dreamed about for their life partner.  The one they can see raising a family with.  The one who they know wrinkles, grey hair and age spots only add character and that they rather be by their side than imagine the possibility of life without them.   

 When it comes down to knowing your best friend is in a relationship far less magical than she ever expected-it can become very difficult.  Your dilemma is how you are her confidante, but how she’s also seeking advice from you as though you completed your Ph.D. in Marital counseling. 

Do you say how you honestly feel? 

Do you crush someone’s future dream knowing that if they don’t realize they are settling, skip a decade and you’ve got kids running around screaming, mortgages and more daily life stress.  Parents lose the connection they once had with each other and go their separate ways or, live under the same roof but simply as roommates. 

What if kids had not entered the picture yet? 

What if a couple did not even realize that they treat each other like room-mates with one waking up the other because of snoring and the other calculating grocery costs down to the penny.  Do you listen or do you say ‘you are worth so much more than all of this, if only you could see what the world sees.”

Majority of the woman reading this will immediately assume they would say the latter of my previous sentence. 

What if you did, and you’re not being heard  . . . and she’s not interested. 

Are you the counselor or the confidante?  

I remember reading one day that Heidi Klum made a serious statement (in the supermodel world) that she would never be caught dead wearing a bra and panty set that did not match.  Well, if you are a supermodel and are provided with unlimited beautiful lingerie with all the lace, color, silk and sexy looking fabric, wouldn’t you make such a statement? 

Long story short I may not agree with Heidi on this note, however I do believe that for a lot of us woman, some days we are meant to wear our ‘sexy little things’.  Not full backs ladies, but true french-cut, brazillian themed, bright pink with black accents and a tiny lace up in the back and to know that we look damn sexy under our work clothes!

So, although we are to cut back our spend these days, don’t hold back on those sexy little pieces that add to our collection of ‘it just feels good’ and know we are taking about what we wear down there!

The novel was set in 1644. 

Twenty million people paid to see the motion picture version of the book, one of the greatest box office attractions in history. 

Although I may be named after a ‘lady of the evening’ also known as a ‘high-end hooker’, I am happy to say that my life is a journey full of chaos, modern glamour and of course a dream.